I'm sorta stuck here in the office. Well, I'm in my Dad's office, actually. I'm waiting for the car to pick me up. Well, it's been a pretty long wait so far, but I'd rather go home at midnight than commute. I've grown totally allergic to commuting, lol. I dunno, the prospect of sacrificing personal space in land-based travel kinda makes my skin crawl.

So far, Mandarin classes are cool. I'm finally learning the language in a regular and more formal setting It isn't really easy, but I'm getting the hang of it. Well, I should, given that I studied it a bit in Shanghai. Back then, I just got trained in a bit of survival Mandarin, but it was enough for me to be able to bargain, to guide taxis, to let people know that I don't know what the hell they're talking about, and a bit more.

Come to think of it, I can do that in the Lao language, too. Damn, I should brush up. That's a rare language I don't wanna lose.

I have a couple of batchmates that can speak French and Italian, and I sometimes lapse into those languages when I'm overly filled with pretention. Or just plain bored.

Damn, it's getting late. Maybe I should bug the workaholics now. They're the only ones who are still here. Here's hoping the car comes soon

EDIT: The car is here!!!! Yay! I'm going home!!!

Hey, y'all. :) Tumlbr, Twitter and ontd_ai continue to eat up most of my time and my ~thoughts - it's not a surprise that this is only my second time to update this LJ this month. I guess when I already express myself in tiny bits, I don't think it necessary to repeat everything here. But then again, this place has always been the main ~record of my experiences for the past five years, so I can't really abandon it completely. So here I am still holding on. Here's a rundown of Things That Are Currently Relevant To My Interests:

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Most of my spectacular flail over this fantastic movie happened in the SM North IMAX theater last Thursday. Mael witnessed it while it was happening and for most of the night after the fact (along with Kaye and the very lame Michi), we had the most awesome time together. I laughed and squeed and flailed and yes, I cried. LOL. I have a lot of feelings and I'll summarize most of them ( under here. )


Kris Allen and the American Idols Live Tour 2009 Kristopher will always be relevant to my interests, just sayin'. :P Okay so. I was ~there~ for the first night of tour, parked happily in front of my laptop, watching Rickey, refreshing Twitter, flailing on ontd_ai and basically being the craziest stan ever. The July 5th Portland show was honestly the best concert I have never been to. LOL. The underwater cellcast was such a gift, and I'd never been happier for modern technology.

The kids have been through 10 out of 52 tour stops already, and I've tried my best to follow them through most of it. And I must say, tour has made me fall in love with the entire top 10. I've always been a Kris girl first and foremost, Adam a pretty close second, and Allison third. (Yeah yeah, cliche, I know.) But now Anoop has crept up and carved a special place in fourth (Last.fm says that he's my #3 listened-to artist in the last 7 days), with Matt a close fifth, Megan-Scott-Lil switching around sixth to eighth, and admittedly Sarvokey have had their heartwarming moments too. I've never been invested this far beyond the competition before, and it's been a lot of fun following ( what little tour shenanigans we have so far. )


Next to Normal I'm going through an unexpected little ~renaissance~ with this show. I had a free night sometime last week, and I popped in my 3/1/08 DVD just for kicks. I don't know what was up with me, but damn it was like I was seeing the show for the first time. I have a special place in my heart carved out for N2N off-Broadway, I still love it, and so what if I cried like four separate times and was a sobbing mess by the end? I just fell in love with these characters again, I irrationally missed Brian D'Arcy James, I goggled even more at Aaron Tveit, and shipped Henry/Natalie harder than ever.

I guess that's the power of the material - even in its raw form like this, back when the story was a little wonky and the actors not really in it yet, it's still incredibly touching and beautiful and so so fucking heartbreaking. Gah. I love this show so much, and I want to have time to pull out my 4/4/09 DVD next. For now, I have half the cast recording in my July playlist, and it's getting a lot of mileage in my iPod and Last.fm.


Aaron Tveit Because. Damn. These pictures, okay:



I'm torn between laughing because he looks like a tool, and swooning because it's supposed to be ridiculous anyway, he totally sells it, and dammit he's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. I can't wait for this show. Hopefully I'll be able to see it when we go to NYC next year.


And others There's school I hate, orgmates I adore, friends I miss so much it aches, a stable family, a puppy that continues to be cute, a stagnant lovelife, wardrobe that hasn't changed... a life that's running pretty smoothly, if I may say so myself. I'm doing alright. :)

As soon as I finish this entry, I'm powering through the last hundred pages of Middlesex and will finally finally FINALLY get on with my Harry Potter reread. What can I say, the movie inspired me. I miss HP so much, I need it back in my life, and in slowly re-devouring the books, I get to experience all of it again. I can't wait. :)


**


Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness," "joy," or "regret." Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I'd like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, "the happiness that attends disaster." Or: "the disappointment of sleeping with one's fantasy." I'd like to show how "intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members" connects with "the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age." I'd like to have a word for "the sadness inspired by failing restaurants" as well as for "the excitement of getting a room with a minibar." I've never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I've entered my story, I need them more than ever.

-- Middlesex, by Jeffery Eugenides

When I get bored at work, or when I had class, I would write down story ideas and plotlines. Then I would get really paranoid that someone would find them and read them and laugh. I still feel that way. Sometimes I tear up the paper and throw the pieces away in multiple trash bins just in case someone decides to dig through one bin and piece together the torn paper just so they can read my story ideas and laugh.

Mostly my ideas read like fantasy young adult novels, which I read and enjoy and I know other people read and enjoy, but this knowledge doesn't lessen my fears.

I only mention this because I left a piece of paper in my work vest which is in my work locker that has a story idea written on it. I'm terrified that maybe I accidentally dropped it on the floor, and now someone has found it and is laughing hysterically. Or someone is going to decide to break into my locker and search through my pockets, where they'll find the paper and think the idea is ridiculous. Then, when I get back to work, someone will refer to the story idea in front of me, knowing I wrote it, and I'll be embarrassed. Then they'll ask me about the idea, making fun, and I'll have to laugh along and pretend I don't feel humiliated by the entire events. And THEN I'll think about it ALL THE TIME and continue to get embarrassed and miserable.

If you asked me, I couldn't tell you where this paranoia originates.

"[Harry Potter] instilled in me the value of standing up for what you believe in, for what you know in your heart is right."

My not-so-love-but-definitely-not-hate affair with Harry Potter started when I was 12, a freshman - rather freshwoman - high school student (2001). We were then required to read Harry Potter for our literature class. (Some critics would probably barf at this, but it's true and I've been grateful!) Because I wasn't much of a reader, that was my first time to hear about Harry Potter. 

Reading was then dreadful to me. Extremely dreadful, you see. I didn't grow up reading thick books because I found them so boring. My favorite books were those about fairy tales! So when I saw how "thick" the HP book was, I was so scared to read it lest I would sleep after the first page (not knowing, of course, that Harry Potter was to become one of the best fairy tales ever).

But behold, Harry Potter definitely changed my idea of a book. Naive, right? Anyway, in short: I really loved reading Harry Potter! It was a blessing for someone who avoided books! So Harry Potter has always been memorable to me...

And Harry Potter remains to be a big chunk of my life right now and of how I want to be remembered. He - or the story - taught me values like courage and true friendship. It instilled in me the value of standing up for what you believe in, for what you know in your heart is right. At a time when I was searching for a self to call my own (hello, teenager years!), Harry Potter shed some light. (Tralalaaah!)

In a muggle/wizard world gripped with fear, Harry Potter showed me that all these fears could only be in our minds. Had we known courage before knowing fear, then we wouldn't be that afraid to mention some evil person's name. Had people not taught us fear, then we wouldn't be such cowards amidst trying times.

And so, thanks Harry Potter (JK Rowling!) for all these values cloaked in a fairy tale so moving, so dark, so real, so deep, so magical.

http://www.vavatch.co.uk/books/banks/cultnote.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ships_(The_Culture)

There are several times that I have been irritated and inconvenienced by the rude bus drivers along EDSA who crowd their enormous buses into one bus stop and create major traffic. But the recent news regarding buses in EDSA has gotten me worried (Not about our bus company... I don't really care much for our buses).

So, I'm about to delete messages from my phone's inbox, for some reason I've accumulated 3154 messages. Haha! Anyway, I wanted to make sure I didn't erase anything special.

some messages


::: "One step closer to officership.. Hehe"

::: "Hate you"

::: "O yes. Where will we meet?"

::: "HURRAH"

::: "awayin mo na!"

::: "shet hahaha yes it's th final date luv!"

::: "Yuck dnt go near me! Haha"

::: "I want to be a pussycat doll! Let's dance as in dance!"

::: "I finally FINALLY went ukay na. Grabe Ive been missing out on so much pala!"

::: "Je suis d'accord! I agree!"

::: "Benga, benga! Friendship or romansa lng naman ang tanong dyan"

::: "Dear lord i'm a terrible actor! But if it will help i'm game. Hahaha"

::: "Oonga. Natraffic ako eh. Nagkarockslide pero ok na. Natanggal na nila yng debris."

::: "OMGOMG FUCK YOU" "TANGINA BAT MKO TINEXT"
My friend, after I texted her who won American Idol. Haha!

::: "The girl. Hahaha."

::: "Hi. this is Erica Mendoza... Save my number :D Thanks!!"

::: "Sorry. I had a gallery-viewing skit of pretentious things to say and everything. Haha. Next time!"
Important words: skit and pretentious

::: "Sec-si bitchez text nyo ko ano na maging final prods later hehe. Il try to online. G'luck"

::: "17 again is like still! Pareho conceptish!"

::: "Ngek such juvenile tactics"

::: "are they dating? wahahahaha..."

::: "Strangely enough i know someone who can get you fireworks from bulacan"
(a few minutes later) "Omg laughtrip! Haha. and i was thinking of peddling contraband items haha"
I said FIREWIRE.



OK there are supposed to be much more but I pressed the wrong button and it went back to the beginning. So, nevermind. :D

Anyone who's ever talked to me would say that I've this tendency to go off-topic. You see, I tend to digress a lot and even gravity has a hard time keeping my feet on the ground. :p

goingbackto is our attempt at podcasting. We try our best to stick to one topic (in the case of Episode 1, we discuss weddings) only to end up talking about numerous off-tangent topics like japanese food, doug kramer, high heels and ADB. Forgive the topics, it was already 2 am in the morning. haha!

A shout out to cheeneeotarra for the podcasting idea! (We originally wanted youtube videos, but we didn't like the idea of getting our faces exposed. haha!)





P.S. the helium breath only lasts for about 20 seconds :)

Being up early mornings with no one to bother is kinda taking its toll on me. I end up thinking about things I don't really wanna be thinking about, in classic over-thinking mode. Today the question is, how do I slow down and be alright with it?





Not that it's been all bad, cause it definitely hasn't, but my whole college life, I feel like I've been rushing from one opportunity to the next, accepting everything and wanting more. I'm like, an opportunity monster, nothing satiates my greed and I'm really scary, with matching extra loud growl and fire red eyes. GRRRRRRRRR. GRRR- Anyway... I guess... that's what college is about isn't it? So I shouldn't feel so bad? But, it nags me cause I know that my reason behind it is cause, I feel like it's never enough. That I'm never doing enough with my time. That the things I do do with my time are never productive enough. That I don't have enough things on my plate. That my age and the things I've done with my life are never compatible enough. And so, I rush. And I usually do it haphazardly, eyes focused on the end. The worst kind of rushing. And well, I don't have to explain why that bums me out. And, it's not even just work-related things, y'know? Like, I feel like I'm rushing into this thing even if I'm not really sure about stuff, cause it seems like it's about time something happened.

But yeah, on the other side of the fence, who wants to be a bum anyway, right? It's better to be doing a gazillion things than not doing anything at all? I've thought about this (duh) and, see, there wouldn't be anything wrong with applying myself all over the place and taking these opportunities. There wouldn't be anything wrong, that is, if I was coming from the right place. But see, with my rationale behind all the work, the word indadequate immediately comes into play, and because I'm proud, I have a problem with that word. God, the word's inadequate, who doesn't have a problem with it? So, I mean, where the hell did these feelings of "not enough" and "about time" come from? I wanna be cool and say "Fuck that!" and act like I'm above it all, but sometimes I'm really not. :)) What I want and don't want to do now is slow down. But I know if I do slow down, I'll be killing myself about it. Uh, someone save me from myself? Hah. I want to slow down because ironically, isn't our time short?

Our time is short and we should make the most out of it. And sometimes, making the most out of it doesn't really have anything to do with work or accumulating experiences we're supposed to have experienced already by our age. Making the most out of it doesn't mean being President of the World by the time you're 25. It's what I keep telling myself, but... I'm stubborn. I don't listen. President of the World, heehee.





Oh no, you think I'm crazy now. Wooooooh! That's why I put that picture up. You're the man, and I'm the one talking too much. :] Gosh (gosh? really?), I'm just gonna go read Harry Potter now. It's a better way to use my early morning time. Haha!

I've never really been a fan of anime but wow, I've just dreamed up a whole anime show, from opening credits to ending credits, and now I think I like anime. Haha! :D Maybe I should make an anime! :D It's just, I really enjoyed my dream. It was really exciting. There were appropriately tense and funny classroom scenes with gay school-boys(!), there was an oil-black dragon who could turn soil into water, there was a girl who could break an egg just by looking at it, and some of my friends and teachers were in it, etc... Oh, and I was in it too! :]


I'm too lazy to write it all down but here's my favorite favorite part:


That girl who could break eggs by looking at it broke a chicken egg, whether it was on purpose we didn't know, and inside were 4 dead chicks, 2 blue and 2 yellow. We were all so sad that we stormed in a beautiful Buddhist monastery where surprisingly, a lot of people were meditating. To cleanse ourselves of our guilt at letting the chicks die, we took on the greatest challenge at the monastery. There was this mountain of stairs where, each step was so small you couldn't fit half your foot in it, and the steps were made of three kinds of tiles, the tiles at the top stairs being most slippery, almost as if it were wet. The edges of the steps were very coarse, so if you slipped and banged your head on them, well, it wouldn't have been very pleasant. At the very very top of the mountain, there balanced precariously a huge gray mattress that would swing around where the wind blew it, real scary-looking. The object of the challenge was to climb the stairs and get to the top, but you could only do it within 15 seconds straight! If you couldn't do it in 15 seconds, you'd fall and have to try all over again and it would just get harder each time. So of course I was really scared! :)) But for some reason, since this was all happening with dream-logic I guess, I did it! I finished in 15 seconds and when I got to the top and laid down on the mattress, there were all these people lying down, laughing, telling each other stories and jokes, relaxing, and having a generally chill, good time. :] So I laid down beside a friend and stared at the sky, listening to the people laughing around me and their conversations. The mattress would go with the breeze, swinging slowly from side to side, and tipping sometimes when a new person had made it, but it never turned over, amazingly enough. It never got crowded either! And lying on the mattress was just about the best experience ever, so soft and homey. :] It was more peaceful than I've described it to be. Lying there made you feel like everything was alright. :D




... So is heaven a big gray mattress? I wouldn't mind. :] I wouldn't mind at all.

Today marks the 40th year of Apollo 11's launch to the moon. A landmark of technological achievement, the space mission ushered in a golden age for space exploration. But what people don't see is the social and political drama that made it such an epic win in 1969--and the reason why it's taking awhile to go back.


Read more in The Weather Store

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Come learn the basics of skills needed to capture the dynamism of theater and have fun doing it!


This event is open to everyone, so BlueREPPERS, invite your friends and welcome them to the BlueREP family!


The venue for all the workshops is at SECA202. Bring your cameras, be they simple point-and-shoot cameras, or high-tech handycams, and be ready for the action!


Hope to see you there! … Because what happens onstage is not just theater, it’s history. :D




Contact Dindin Reyes at dindin.reyes@yahoo.com or 09174793846 for more details.

I don't really want to admit it to myself, but I've been feeling this long enough to make the denial tactic kind of useless, really.




I'm starting to lose passion for my work. And I'm not talking about making films.
Maybe I'm just tired, and this is just a phase.
Maybe some people not giving a shit is more contagious than I thought it would be.
Maybe there's some kind of disconnect going on that makes it just that bit less rewarding.
Maybe this all just seems so small compared to the things I could be doing if I tried hard enough and wasn't so lazy and aimed high.

But whatever. Excuses are just excuses, right? And obligation responsibility will always win over being a fucking sissy. I'm just tired. That and I always contradict myself. So annoying.

mv: ..and a part of me doesn't want to see it, actually.
jg: ha? why dont you want to see it?
mv: I don't want to see the story progress. parang "why couldn't it all have ended with book one or two where everyone was still happy and safe!"
jg: uy, lelay*! Parang nirerelate mo na sa sarili mo ah! haha!

*lelay is how the Thais say relax.

Yeppp! you learn something new from me every day :)

Already so much has happened to me this year and it's only been seven months into 2009.

In March, I graduated from BS Chemistry. After four long and arduous years, stepping on the stage made every drip of blood, sweat and tears worth the countless sacrifices. Receiving the diploma from Fr. Nebres, I felt a sense of unparalleled victory. But when it came to saying goodbyes to batchmates, I felt sad--I didn't know if I would ever see some of my friends again.

In April, I returned to Ateneo de Manila University to formally start my second degree in BS Materials Science and Engineering. It was strange walking around the campus and not recognizing faces anymore. But I poured my energies into studying about engineering materials.

And this was never any clearer than in JCI Manila's Best Business Plan competition. I had joined it by chance--my brother sent me the Facebook invite, which I almost ignored. Seeing an opportunity, I invited Sandy to become a partner. We then invited Earl, Dapor, Shereen and Erich. Together, we were FibreTech Inc.

Never did I think I would get the opportunity to step in the Philippines Stock Exchange, or even present a business plan to a board of executives--as far as I knew, the Department of Chemistry had only taught me to give research seminars. So when all of that actually happened, the impossible seemed possible after all.

In a way, FibreTech Inc. was all about doing the seemingly impossible. From building a marketing presentation in 15 minutes and presenting it almost without practice to writing a business plan in less than a week. For me, FibreTech was a dream never really dreamt, but one that came true anyway. And when we won in the national final, I still couldn't believe it.

Come June, I fixed my sights on blogging for the Weather Store again. Almost ten months since I created the blog, it's still running. I never really know how people respond to it though. Being a science blog, there's always that risk of alienating readers with the technical terms and topics. After all, science isn't a very common interest in the country. Despite that, I've been publishing more and more material every month.

In July, I got accepted to write for the Guidon. I'm also part of the Department of Student Leadership Development. I joined ACheS as a member after three years of being an officer.

But the best thing about 2009 is the sweetest thing of all. We used to think this might not last when she gets to law school and I go back to Ateneo. But I'm grateful things have really been great between us.

The way things are going, 2009 is looking to be a very good year. I hope I'll be able to maintain the momentum and keep aiming high. For now, I'm glad with the way things have been. I hope for more opportunities and luck. :D

Now's the best time to keep myself from over-analyzing & too much thinking. (Aren't those two things the same?) Maybe I should even be thankful for the 20sources requirement of the RRL for BC199 (Thesis). I got so much on my hands I've got no time to dwell on it. I'm in for a busy wick. :)) I might need some fucking maturity, patience & peace. Haha. World peace.

And as for you, my friend, or so I thought you were. You might need a bit of honesty, maturity (like me!) and a sense of minding your own business & your own perfect life. And probably an antidote to your superficiality. :) Chururus. Want us to get along? I say you can either tell your fucking issues to my face or just keep it to yourself or better yet, don't ever go there.

GOODNIGHT! :)

I'm going to tell you anyway.

http://www.flowthefilm.com/trailer

I'm not asking you to be scared. I'm asking you to be smart. Be smart about water.

The Philippine American Association of Science and Engineering (PAASE) will be having its 29th annual meeting and symposium to discuss the state of science and technology in the Philippines. Only from July 13-15, 2009.

Topics include:
Agricultural and Food Science
Energy and Environment
Electronics and Semiconductors
IT and IT-enabled industries
Health Sciences
Basic Science, Math and Engineering Education
Nanotechnology

Read more about this grand meeting of geeks and nerds for society in The Weather Store

And if you're interested in learning more about what transpires during the meeting, I'll be covering some of the talks. I'll be posting blog posts and tweets from the symposium, so watch out for updates! :D

 
... this is what we do with Annie's Star Wars collection when she's not looking :p

( and here's something you probably haven't heard of before... )

I may have reached a limit.

Last Tuesday, my immune system gave up on me. Somewhat. I find this sick thing a big deal because last year, apart from my bouts of exhaustion, flu and dysmennorrhea, I never ever got sick.And then last tuesday, I got sick.
So much so that they had to take me to the hospital to get a check -up. I was eventually sent home that day. And I was banned from going to school the following day.

Oh I'm fine now. It's just that I can't stand the special treatment. That day I wasn't allowed to go to school, they sent me soup for breakfast and lunch, a couple of oranges and a labandera to boot. I don't want to sound like an ingrate but I don't want the special treatment. I can take care of myself. And when I signed up for this thing, I knew exactly what I was getting into. And I want to experience all of it. The sad parts, the fun parts, the hard parts. I want all of it.

***

Overfatigue and playing in the rain. That's what caused my fever. I know it's my fault for getting sick but I secretly love the fact that I can push myself to the brink of exhaustion.
Things are changing, indeed.
 

P.S. I meant to write a million times over but it's either I found my writing distasteful, or someone was watching from behind as I type. Either way, huwag na lang.

So last night was terrible but after having slept it off and waking up to a new day, I feel so much better. Maybe it was just that sleep I needed, for these past few weeks have treated me like a slave. I regret some of my actions but you know how it is. When you are emotionally occupied, you just do things, without thinking.

Throughout the course of yesterday and today, I learned a few things.

1. You wish some people understood the reasons behind your actions more. Because sometimes it hurts them, but what they don't realize is perhaps you've done what you did because they might have hurt you first. That it can be also be their fault and not just yours.

2. That some things you say stick with people longer than you can ever imagine. Sometimes, words mean different things to different people. Mean what you say, and say what you mean.

3. I don't write as much as I used to and I want to be back here, but it's not as easy as that.

---

Thank you so much to HurricaneKitty, I am Aileen and niczy for nominating me in the Candy Teen Blog Awards 2009, but I won't be joining this year, like what I said in my past entry. Thank you though, for believing in me. It really means a lot. :)