So far, law school feels so mechanical. A huge chunk of my life has suddenly been reduced to a routine of endless studying and memorizing. My brain attempts to be a sponge by absorbing massive amounts of information, yet I feel like it fails to do so. My capacity to store information verbatim is not as good as it was back in High School. I struggle occasionally, but I pray that it will eventually improve. Brain cells, work with me!

It feels like ALS ORSEM happened ages ago instead of a month. Law school makes you lose track of time as it traps you in some sort of bubble that you share with yourself, your blockmates and the law. The love-hate relationship assumes an unmatchable force and lately, I can't help but feel so emotional. Which really just sucks.

There are surprisingly no questions asked wondering why I'm here. I've found a personal reason and it is deeply satisfying for now. I am slowly finding my place and adjusting. It's been okay for the most part.

What ravages through mornings of non-stop studying is some kind of pressure. I don't think I've ever felt this kind of pressure back in High School or College. It's different now. Grad school makes you feel different. And the people around you makes it feel different.

I'm finding my balance on the way I have viewed the world before and the way studying the law makes me put things into a different perspective. It is refreshing and interesting to reconcile both and find personal clarity amidst all the readings and recits. Let's just hope that the next few months will continue to be good to me.

Watching a bunch of series and season finales are making me quite emotional right now. But good thing Friday5 does help me keep this blog alive. I know it's a Saturday here, but this is a pretty good set.

1. What kind of out-of-school lessons did you take as a kid?
Fortunately, I really think I had a great childhood. For one, I wasn't deprived of it. I was sort of spoiled back then, being the eldest. As a kid, I was really the prim and proper kind, without compromising my love for attention and performing. Go figure. I think one of those out-of-school lessons from my childhood that really remains would be to be grateful and humble for what you have and who you are.

2. What valuable lesson did you learn this past week?
Because I've been hanging out a lot with my best friends and my sisters during the week, I would say a deep sense of appreciation and content. They have shown me that they will always be there for me. Another lesson would be perhaps being honest with myself. I need to face my issues, problems and slowly deal with them.

3. Who in your life really needs to be taught a lesson?
I think everyone needs a sense of clarity every now and then. We go through our lives sometimes so blind - almost always looking for an escape. Whether we're basking in joy or depression, it's important to revel in the present and find a way to reconcile with whatever truth or reality we are in. If it's wonderful, we need to be more appreciative. And if it proves to be otherwise, then we can't live in denial. We need to make room for acceptance.

4. What kinds of lessons would you love to have a private teacher for right now?
I would really want to continue professional voice lessons or dabble into something creative like continue painting or digital illustrations. I always need something creative in me.

5. What steps have you taken to lessen the impact of these rough economic times?
I wish I could do more! Why do I have to enjoy shopping so much??? Saving electricity does count, right?

Just got back from my trip down south.... way south... as in Mindanao south. Since we go there practically every year, it's really more like going back home to relax and unwind. One of the good things about the trip was enjoying the sunny weather as opposed to the storms that raged Luzon. Thank God we arrived back here under sunny skies and intense heat. Oh Philippine weather, why must you wreak havoc into our summer lives?

I'm glad to be home though. I'm currently catching up on more than a week's worth of missed episodes. All throughout my marathons, I kept thinking about law school and the next years ahead. I've said it before and I'll say it again that I have reconciled with devoting the 5 years in the pursuit of this dream. Or have I really? BOOO.

I can't believe that all of a sudden there's this creeping sense of some unsettling indescribable feeling that bothers me. Go figure. That somehow I fear that I won't have time for things that I've always dreamed of doing before I 'settle.' Some kind of bucket list that I've always held on to back when I was a wide-eyed teenager thriving for adventure and hungry for big, ambitious, elaborate dreams... Time for traveling, adventures, discoveries - taking the world by storm with people you love! But finally coming on to my early twenties and faced with all sorts of crisis to face and conquer for the rest of my life, the reality sinks in and sometimes the luxuries of life remain ONLY to be momentary dreams.

Maybe I'm just starting to feel quite insecure and envious after hearing and reading about the plans of some people I know as they take a year off to travel, pursue a hidden passion, brave new worlds on their own. Maybe because the next 5 years will limit me somehow. The road ahead of me may not exactly fuel in some wild, impulsive, spontaneous adventure. Instead, I will come into my own bubble. And everything else may have to wait. The million and one things that I've always wanted to do may not be there for me in the near future, but it'll come for me at my own time.

So I'm telling myself at this point to just let go of this unsettling feeling. Nakakastress din eh. Come to think of it, I have my whole life ahead of me. Law school is only part of it, but it is still part of MY dream. From what I know and hear, it will be an adventure of its own. It's braving a whole new world that may very much be worth it.

Now let's do this week's Friday Five:

1. What’s your favorite card game?
Pusoy Dos. I'm good at it. haha.
2. What’s your favorite roll-the-dice-and-move game?
I haven't really played board games in a long time, but I remember when I was a kid that I used to kick butt in Casino (the board game). It was so much fun too!
3. What’s your favorite playground game?
Marco Polo! It's a tweaked and a lot more fun version of hide-and-go-seek. My childhood friends and I live for this game during our younger years!
4. What’s your favorite party game?
When alcohol's involved? hahaha!

5. What’s your favorite computer game?
I really don't play computer games. As in I'm really, really bored. Okay na ako sa Snood, Feeding Frenzy, Text Twist and Bejeweled.

The past week was devoted to adventure, freedom and surprise. I enjoyed my little getaway trip to Baguio with my fellow student-leaders of COA. I have grown absolutely close with them. Our experience throughout the year was life-changing - giving us a fresh perspective, an added push and a much needed sense of clarity. And after all the heartaches, headaches, and stress, we were ready to take advantage of the cool weather and indulge freely. It's quite baffling how inebriation for college students somehow sums up that momentary kind of freedom, where your senses are wildly disturbed and heightened at the same time. It's always about the group you are with anyway.



Presently, I have different groups that I hold very dear to me. Our dynamics are all very different, but the shared experience somehow holds us together beautifully. This particular group, my insanely crazy COA loves is purely one of a kind. Our adventures in Baguio have lives of their own! haha! Too crazy to retell or verbalize. One thing is for sure: I will miss each and everyone of them, as much as I will miss everything about being a student leader and putting all our hearts and minds collectively all for our genuine desire to pursue nation-building. Of course, this will carry on throughout my life.



This week was definitely devoted to a lot of downtime. Fixed my files - computer and those in my room. Liberating experience to de-clutter and put some tangible finality to the experience of graduating. I was also glad to help out fellow COA people, Magel and Amor for their Blue Roast film project. Throughout the year, my film credits grew! haha. It's definitely fun. These are just one of the few things that I am glad I have left behind Ateneo. I believe I could not have asked for more. I feel content upon the onset of my graduation. I have learned, lived and loved in the most powerful, interesting and memorable ways. And it has given me the courage and desire to do, be and reach out for more.

Am I ready for law school? I would like to think that the idea is something that I have reconciled with. I am excited to study and learn more. I am excited to be immersed in an entirely different atmosphere. I am excited to meet people with beautiful hearts and engaging minds. And if it proves to be otherwise, then I am excited to be compelled to make positive changes internally and externally. Polsci has somehow allowed a person like me to consider gray areas and float somewhere in between realism and idealism.

I am never fully ready. There will always be a struggle inside of me that will hold back a little. I am an unsettled soul, and for the most part this has waged battles. From all the dearly philosophical quests I have embarked on, it has taught me to look at the purest, sincerest picture of humanity. Of the Infinite. And so I yearn and pray for solitude to continue finding me and for myself to find it amidst the world I, together with my batchmates will engage in. In all its political, economic, cultural and spiritual turmoil and brokenness, I remain hopeful.

I know that this entry is already overdue, as I have officially passed my last academic requirement for my Lit class two Fridays ago. (Thank you, Ma'am Rica for my A!) Nevertheless, last week came in a flash filled with so many events that I had no time to take a breather and update. My last official day as a COA officer ended last Friday as I finally graduated from my position and celebrated the night after for the Awarding party.

I'll keep this entry short as I may have the tendency to be quite emotional if I attempt to be all detailed about it. But there are just way too many reasons to be all sentimental, especially for someone like me who suffer from major attachment issues. I get caught up with things, and if I am truly passionate and excited about something, I revel in all its entirety. My experience as a student, leader, follower, mover, nation-builder, artist, friend, girlfriend, and neighbor through my college years can never be fully expressed exactly as how I want it to. But to put quite simply, it has been amazing. God knows it wasn't easy. Even if people think that I made it look easy, it simply wasn't. Goodness! If you guys read this blog in its entirety, you will get realize that I can be a total wreck. Although, I am incredibly happy that I was able to "document" my college life in this blog. At least a small part of it.

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*Crossposted from pearl.operaglasses.org