| |
| Going home so late everyday has taken its toll on me. I find myself beyond exhaustion. Fortunately, I haven't necessarily been sick YET, but once I do arrive home, I am taken by the urge to lie down and sleep. The late nights are not exactly a first for me. I did experience really late, consecutive rehearsals. But it feels very, very different. Rehearsals give me some kind of high. I come home tired, but still pretty much psyched up. This is nothing like that.
I guess it also doesn't help that I have to wake up in between 5AM-6:30AM everyday. Mostly because my other sister in UP has classes at 7AM. I have gone past the ranting about this because it doesn't help at all. Early mornings in Ateneo allow me to be productive anyway. Physically, I fear that I'm totally abusing my body and will one day feel the dreaded consequences. Hopefully sooner than later. I cannot risk being sick by the time the hellish month of February approaches.
There are soooo many requirements ahead. I'm not sure if I'm particularly procrastinating or dreading the looming days (and all-nighters) of cramming all the work, but I am getting so nervous about it. I guess this just means I need to particularly iron out my game plan and figure out a way to work within my already busy schedule.
I know a lot of people are raring to graduate already. Senioritis is in its intense level, and all the talk about transitions, jobs, and applications feels both a bit bittersweet and scary at the same time. Wish me luck. | |
|
| Mondays are usually busy days composed of my weekly meetings and a whole bunch of dates/meetings to attend to, to-do-lists and a new set of agenda to occupy either the week or the month. It yields mixed emotions of stress, anxiety and excitement. But I guess these days, it's mostly the latter. New projects can become exciting adventures, and I find that particularly uplifting. Optimism brings out the best in me, and this attitude is always a good one to have.
But I am not without my worries. There is immense pressure to finish things on time and finish it well. And it is exhausting. I cannot let myself fall down and settle. I need to feel constantly inspired and motivated. For this to hit me, I stop for awhile to remind myself why I do what I do and why I love it. When I finally have my answers, it gets easy from there. And the people I am with - always always help.
I have two months left. And it just doesn't feel enough. But I'll worry about that later. For now, there are only new exciting adventures ahead to share with such amazing people. I remain bright-eyed and optimistic. Even if it gets hard. Even if its challenging. Even when there will come a time when I'm going to pull my hair out eventually. And I fear that eventually is really soon, and soon is really like next week.
But I will take that jump, come back bouncing and glide through all these so-called work. I will think of all this work, ONLY as POSSIBILITIES, holding out infinite chances for me to learn, grow and give back.
The next few months will be awesome. | |
|
| For the first few days of a new semester, I would normally be describing in detail a few first impressions of my professors or start talking about the new semester ahead. I didn’t realize I would be caught up with all my work for COA and our cluster’s big project for the Ateneo Sesquicentennial year. Not to mention the pressure of finishing the entire yearbook this December. Other things to be added to my long list of assignments are my Law school applications. It can get crazy, especially when you start hitting those frustrating bumps that make you feel quite powerless. Fortunately (and I really don't know how I do it), even if the panic sinks in, I still end up with enough time for myself.
At this point in my life, I cannot lose sight on a lot of things. And as I go on living the last few months of my undergraduate year, I am somehow reminded by the things that I value, the things that I should value and the things I never realized I valued so much of. The ‘senior-syndrome’ may not have hit me yet, but I’m sure it will. I refuse to be caught up with things that occupy a huge chunk of my life right now without any realization whatsoever that there is no value in it. I’d like to believe that I’ve lived most of my life with enough passion for the things and the people I love. And all the while I’ve invested a part of myself in any of my interests, hobbies, talents, jobs, and even people, I’d like to think I’ve somehow have a better understanding of what I am capable of.
Having a healthy dose of confidence has yet to betray me. I never voluntary invest in things that I know I can only be half-hearted about. But approaching this sort of crossroads in my life leaves me a bit anxious. And I can’t help but be overwhelmed by my freakin doubts. Maybe I’m not alone with this. I’m sure a lot of college seniors are experiencing the same dilemma. Of course, little by little, there are events, realizations, little epiphanies here and there that help contribute to the achievement of my much needed personal clarity. Hopefully, as weeks go by, I may be able to find some answers. Or whatever.
As for my last undergraduate semester, I don’t think I’ve pondered enough about how it’s going to be like for me. For the most part, I am happy and grateful over a lot of things in my life. Even amidst this crazy bubble I’m in, there are many reasons to celebrate and to continue looking forward towards a great end to my undergraduate life. We’ll see how it all plays out. | |
|
| I'm crap at updating this thing. I used to think that blogging is such an outlet for me. I've been sucked into this world way before it became a fad. I've come to realize that the only way I can actually muster maintaining a blog is to go back to why I started blogging anyway - for the love of web design. Yes, I do this for the creative artsy-fartsy part. And I freakin miss it.
Unfortunately, my senior college life has taken hold of me in ways I never could have anticipated. I've taken a giant leap from experiencing minor extra-curricular activities a year ago to responsibilities that involve not only the entire LS community but the Ateneo in general. Sobrang level up lang talaga. And because I'm really just plain busy and occupied most of the time, I've sort of put all my amazing (yes! amazing. kasi masasabi ko talaga na magaling ako dito) webdesign skills into some kind of a hiatus. That's why after I type this up, I will open up photoshop and finish all the graphic design and coding today and tomorrow. Promise. Tatapusin ko talaga.
Not that I have so much free time in my hands. If there's one thing that I have gotten out of all the fun, exciting, exhausting, inspiring, eventful, memorable, wonderful EVSEMs, PLANSEMs, meetings and trips I've had this sembreak, it's that I have SO MUCH MORE work ahead. Woohoo. Party. I say bring it on.
First sem was beyond awesome. My last sem will be just as great. :) I will blog more about this once I have my website UP UP UP! :)
Countless hours in front of the computer await. | |
|
| I'm wearing my favorite PJs with a venti frapuccino (plus extra shots) on the right side of my laptop accompanied by a huge bottle of mineral water. Readings are strewn below the bed, across the floor and on the left side of my laptop. The room is a complete mess and it feels like chaos.
Finals week/endless paper writing has begun.
And all the bumming and indulging the entire sem has culminated into 8 days of non-stop work. Last freakin straw before my last undergraduate semestral break starts.
I. Can't. Wait. | |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
stellularx's journal
